The sun after rain

E no mata the condition

Believe in your heart

And you go dey alright

No forget say after rain fall

And after the dark

The sun go shine   – Johnny Drille

You can tell that it’s a blessing in disguise I didn’t win the scholarship in 2020, the year of the Coronavirus international lockdown, until 2021. Those who went to the US on the scholarship that year had to leave.

I had gotten the offer but didn’t tell anybody yet, except one person who kept track through the whole application process. I had legitimate concerns for doing so, though a few people came to know about it later. I slept every day with the enormity of the news in my chest. I brimmed and struggled with excitement, trying to keep the news from spilling out.   

Things continued to move on slowly. Communications went on with the embassy, the IIE and folk at the UW-Madison. I received my contract letter, signed and sent it back to indicate I accepted the offer. The sponsoring agency, the embassy, and the host institution continued to do their collaborative work as each unit has an aspect of the program to administer.

Few days later, after sending back the contract form, I received a call from my alma mater, seeking to know if I was willing to work in one of their agencies. I was almost put in a conundrum. I had been looking for this job, any job, so why now?

ABU is one of the places I was dying to work in, one. Two, the job is permanent, and there was this girl I had been looking from one corner of my eyes. Third, there was underground talk in the family about a certain job, which I didn’t like. What can be worse than declining a job offer from your benefactor? In a country where you don’t have much choices? That’s unthinkable!

This ABU job would save me a lot of headaches: it was a chance for me to avoid a scene with my benefactor, to get money to marry that lady, and to work in the university community I love, a nostalgia from the assorted dreams of my undergraduate days. But I had already signed the Fulbright contract. Well, I told them the truth, which I believed was the best decision for many reasons.

All my life, I wanted to bring something huge independently to my family, be it a job or something, to prove my ability and to counter the contemptuous folk and let everyone see that the useless books I read are not useless after-all. But I was doubtful these days if it would ever happen. I somehow began to trust what folk say. I started seeing myself like the other people: a fool.

I see how God was doing it to my friends. Everyone was settling down on something. I was always thinking I was not doing enough, or maybe God was planning to pay me in arrears with something big. Otherwise, I did not deserve this torment except that in the logic of the world bad things happen to good people.

I felt ashamed my family had to get involved to help me get a job. I was boastful back then in university, too much of myself. Was I not the guy who, because of my ability, played with my grade? The outside world presents different reality. You will earn money, yes, but small money, and there are times that you needed peace and stability. I was tired of all the gig economy stuff.

I was now mellowed down and walked the world with trepidation and caution. I finally surrendered to my mother’s plead and started visiting folk in position to help. It really was something I hated!

Now you can understand why the Fulbright stuff came as the shining sun after rain.

 

Madison, WI