Circle of Fools and the Entire Family of Jonathanians

By Abubakar Sulaiman Muhd

One fool is enough in a family. But we have lot of them in the Nigeria’s extended family: The President, the comedian First Lady, the thief National Security Adviser, the lie-mouthpiece Abati and the entire family of Jonathanians and the many more who are lost and unknown in the chaotic welter.

Not entirely undeserved, no, they merit their positions. Some are high-grade fools and complete mental defectives. 

First the president himself who is so reluctant, whose mindset is not ready to be Nigerian president. He never appreciates to be in the capacity  of the presidency and might have been well satisfied had he remained as an unassertive Vice President who would steal from a little corner without public notice. He felt secured and comfortable there to steal in peace.

Jonathan never had the desire of being Nigeria’s president again. He felt contented with the money he has stolen all his life during his service in public offices since 1999 and decided not contest again for the Presidency. He feels that the havoc he wrought within six years of his presidency is too much for the country to heal in the next six decades. But then, some rogues surrounding Jonathan want to use him to fill their granaries. How can I believe in someone who does not believe in himself?

Mr. President thinks twice. Too much pressure has mounted upon him, he decided and felt that he still has some benefits to gain considering his poor background as a shoeless child the entire period of his primary education.  As a member of Nigeria’s second generations, he feels somehow a victim of corruption by the leaders of the First Republic. Now he has the chance and feels that he could not sacrifice his greed to redeem Nigeria. The nightmare poor childhood haunts the President and makes him to steal even more to secure his financial well-being. You know, life is full of uncertainties, let’s save today for the rainy days, a voice whispers in Jonathan’s mind. His loot can cater for six generations of his family.

Woe unto those who collaborate to bring tragedy unto our country!

Thank God we have Dame Patience as First lady. She can be a blockhead in the lecture halls.  But she has a distinction of the national repute when it comes to foolishness. She is unchallengeable award-winning comedian that gives us some relief during this hour of national grief. Whenever I feel like chocking with anger, I simply play one of the Dame Patience’s comic-relief series and instantly forget all the worries in the world. One must concede that she is genius in that field and in her unsuccessful effort to string together highfaluting and polluting pidgin errors to unsuccessfully attempt to abuse parents in Chibok  and the entire victims of abduction throughout the country.

One of the failures of democracy is that it creates variegated collection of idiots and fools under the super market of constitution that empowers many who do not know what they are doing to be the rulers of a country. This is why our blood is shed every passing moment. The Dasuki category is the force behind this. They are the heartless who pour layers of corruption down the lane of our security institutions and send those poor soldiers early to their graves by forcing them to face Boko Haram with weapons not being in use since American civil war. This is why I pity our poor soldiers and willingly offer handouts to those disinterested security personnel under the scorching sun in the streets, and they say “thank you broda. Na only merciful man dey sabi him broda never chop since morning. The big Oga wey put poor man under sun no de remember.” Well, they do not forget, the only problem is having the idiots in charge of security affairs.

Government like ours that places family background and wealth as conditions for political opportunities creates an environment that allows criminals to thrive. They become absolutely reluctant to defend the country against its enemies because they already have some foreign passports, and refuse to arm the majority since they fear that they will one day rise against their interests, while those handful of people in government who hail from poor background like Jonathan are intolerably unwilling to spend our money to secure our security because they feel like spending the money is courting the nightmare of their childhood.  Stingy people from poor background!

I come to understand that those poor soldiers in the streets are not our enemies. Befriend them, engage them and you will quickly understand that you have a shared predicament. You have common enemies somewhere in Abuja with whose sons always start their military career as Lieutenants and Colonels. Those are the like of Femi-Fani Kayode’s background whose future is secured by their parents, sent to study abroad but end up as tourists and sightseers, patronizing dancing houses all their academic life in Europe or America before they return to the country under the guise of completion to land on the reserved jobs in public services. If you read Jonathan closely, you will understand that he uses this method to secure his family’s political and financial foot-hole.

There are also those who are not natural fools like the First Lady nor permanent idiots like one National Security Adviser. No, they only choose to be temporary fools and pig-headed nitwits in order to secure their stomach infrastructure. Rueben Abati is one of those people who somewhat read fairly a number of books and are supposed to be immune by their knowledge to not lose all their decency and senses on the process of Jonathanianism. But you cannot help is they choose to.

Then Rueben Abati did not completely lose all his senses on the process of Jonathanianism like one obsequies ass-licker who has lost his logicality in-toto to offer foolishness such as ‘Nigeria persevered and diplomatically leaned on France (their colonial overlord).”  

This one makes me to conclude that people like Abati are tired of decent life because they need some cool cash. He decides to dance with the Devils. He betrays his conscience and manages to play the game with discretion to make unsuccessful effort in reconciling grand contradictions of his principal here and there in an attempt to publicize the regime’s revival of World War I railway system and to put cosmetics on the ugly face of the newly introduced corruption methodology in the 21st-century Nigeria. For his betrayal of truth, may he have nightmares in his dream.

Now Abati is left to maintain a safe spot at the middle of the chaos that Jonathan created recently. I believe he is there in his room cringing in embarrassment whenever he looks at the screen and finds the news of election postponement. He is not foolhardy and irrational like an indecent servile who comes publicly to declare that “the election has been postponed and nothing happened. It has been postponed and the APC can do nothing. It was postponed according to the law” and the next day we heard another moron of highest caliber, the fool of fools and prince of all fools nationwide, on the media chat saying he was not consulted when the election was postponed. This can only spurt out from the mouth whose head is psychologically disarrayed.

What makes me sick other than the stupidity and treasonable offence by the President is the shameful effort of some brazen career Jonathanians who find a face to defend the government. Why not just keep silent and spare the President a room to bear and bury the embarrassment he brings to the country. Your move to defend the Presidents’ irrationality is only bringing more shame on your principal. You should allow the issue to fade silently before the time when Mr. President and all his clowns like you will fade. Making defensive speeches is only exposing many of your guilt, madness and criminalities against the state. It also creates chaos in your psyche that you don’t have coherent reason and thought to offer other than accusing INEC Chairman, the institution that is almost entirely, one may say, under the President’s influence.

My solace is now PDP is shouting Jega must go on account of his lie to mention the inadequacies of INEC as a reason for the postponement of the general elections. I don’t know, but if this is true, Jonathan must go first, then Ngozi, then Deizani then all his cabinet members. They have promised to provide security, water supply, energy and so forth for the last six years; the popular basic needs of the centuries ago. Wasn’t it Jonathan who also promised us in 2012 that three months would be enough just after the grand scam of fuel subsidy removal Nigeria would become paradise?  How many years now we are still living in hell? Those who tell the hungry of the wonderful times to come are already eating their fill. 

And then the most dangerous of all are the irredeemable career Jonathanians who have nothing grand to benefit from the regime’s stealing like Femi Kayode or Sambo Dasuki other than the hope that one day they will be the devils. They are the internet hangers-on and Indomie kiosks philosophers who will tell you every reason you must vote for Jonathan because he represents hope for the future generation. Jonathan is a man from minority ethnic group who, despite his poor background, has become president. You shall help the system continue since there is a hope that one of them will one day become Nigerian president to steal public funds like Jonathan. Jonathan has really set the example. Hurry up before March 28^th, I tell you.