An MTN Bill Gate Who Eats Warmed Tuwo And Drinks Koko

I couldn't tell actually where I was at the moment when the news broke. But one thing has sure stayed in my mind.

Since two days ago when a girl nearly shocked me with her call, considering the longevity of time she spent with me on phone chat and one Biggy introduced me to MTN credit giveaway, the bell never stopped ringing left, right and centre. Such huge amount in my phone,  #33,500, was no small matter. I called and people called; a lot of friendly phone calls from family and friends.

Someone has spent months without calling. The last time you parted was in quarrel. Now they would call you for greeting. “I just call to greet you.” When you hear something like this, you know there is smoke behind a fire. So now when I see a call from A, B and C, I know the reason. I know it is free credit season.

In the past, when I was a school kid, I was poor. I normally went back home to eat warmed Tuwo at break time. The same Tuwo that my university colleagues have now written a petition against me to declare it an abomination, embarrassment and harmful to the status of a college boy to devour it and proceeds to the morning lectures. Eat something fashionable, light and exotic, they warned, food like Indomie or any kind of pasta. Koko? - no, is also abominable. Drink tea.

Now I must confess that the biggest concern is not for the boys. I pity all these girls in the university! They didn't know that I have been stuffing my stomach with Towu before coming to the classrooms to set one foot after another in classy swag, staggering majesty and conceited arrogance. But I couldn’t help it. I was brought up with Tuwo and Koko and I pray they would forgive me for cheating on them. God bless those who give us what we love.

Now since MTN has made me a millionaire, I no longer have to drink Koko or begin to worry when it is twilight, and eight o’clock mode is activated. There has always been tension in the households throughout the country at this hour. Tuwo in the north, Eba in the Middle Belt, Amala in the west and pounded yam in the east. Every night, no change, for long, since Adam. Children begin to question the rationale of their parents behind this repetitive and consistent food culture at night.

With busy phone call engagements, you did not see me here nor heard from me. Yesterday was a complete write-up, the night extremely busy and it’s likely this morning would not be different. With such amount in my SIM card, the frequency and the number of phone calls will continue for the next few days. My only fear is that if this goes on, the body of network up in the sky is going to be harmed and the company's capital will suffer. Who will give us another bonanza in the future? I call all Nigerians to be less aggressive and pursue this free gift with consideration.

Imagine, you call a person and he or she will not pick only to call you back to tell you that they also have credit in their phone.  When you become a rich even for a week’s time, you will feel a sort of power and arrogance. I call one of my Hajia relatives and because she knows me, when she picked the phone she kept saying ''kashe na  bugo, kashe na bugo'' very agitated, not knowing that I too have become an MTN millionaire and I kept replying ''don't worry, don't worry'' like the other girl  told me.

She called. I knew this wasn’t her habit besides her notorious flashing. I was surprised and told her to hang up I would call back. My friend retorted that “don’t worry” and proceeded to inform me that she was also getting into prayer and I should not mind her credit. “Just hold the phone. Today you will hear my sweet voice reciting fatiha.” God bless the mother and the father of MTN.

I have done with the contacts in my phone and the credit did not show signs that it was going to shake soon. I began lending the phone out to friends to also chat with their friends. So please, you're hereby requested for God's sake to leave your number so that I would call you to be able to exhaust the credit before the validity period.

But one thing was annoying. Those who didn't get the money, I mean the poor, looked me horribly with jealousy and envy in their eyes. They kept flashing me, flashing and flashing, and because one has become rich, I simply called them back to show them the difference. That's the responsibility of being rich - taking care of those who are less privileged.

When you become rich, the only connection you will have with the past if you like is to carry over certain titles and append them to your name for easy identification. Even those girls in the university are now allowed to know my relationship with Tuwo. There is no fear anymore since I have become rich anyway.

So for this, I hereby declare my intention to change my name from Abubakar without any introductory honour to Alhaji Bill Gate Abubakar Me Tuwo da Naman Kaza. He who because of wealth has turned hen meat into his daily night food.